God where are you?

I was staring at my phone in an abandoned parking lot when I noticed a homeless man approaching my vehicle.  He had appeared out of the shadows of this run-down building and was staring straight at me.  I did exactly what you would do – glanced down to make sure my doors were locked and prepared to bail out quickly!  But something stirred deep down inside me, and I just felt like I needed to get out and spend some time with the guy.

His layers of clothes were worn thin, his hair was matted and greasy, and he smelled awful. After chatting for a few minutes, I asked if he was hungry, and decided to go across the street to get us some BBQ.  We sat on the concrete steps of that vacant lot and talked about life over a couple of mediocre po’boys.

Looking into his sad eyes, surrounded by a weathered, worn face, I couldn’t help but wonder, what happened?  Was it a series of heartbreaking letdowns, or one tragic event resulting in him giving up on life?  And the most terrifying thought – was I any different?

Because life can be hard.  If you’ve been on this journey long enough, this isn’t a new revelation.  There have been times I’ve felt like giving up.  I’m currently in a season of life where it feels like the pain in my heart is crushing my soul.  Taking in deep breaths can feel laborious. I often consider it a win if I’m able to pull myself out of bed in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.

I try my best to rely on my faith and seek God during the dark times of my life.  On many occasions in the past, when I’ve cried out to God, I felt his closeness almost immediately.  Driving down the freeway, it seemed like he was riding in the passenger seat next to me.  In those seasons, I was confident that he was seeing my pain and hearing my prayers.

Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those seasons. I can’t seem to find him anywhere.  My prayers to God for comfort, for answers, for hope, for anything, seem to be bouncing off my bedroom ceiling – falling well short of the Heavens.  It’s as if God and I are playing hide-and-seek, and he has found the perfect hiding spot.  All I want to know is that he’s close and he sees me hurting.  But more times than I can count, I’ve lain in bed at night whispering, “God, where are you?” before eventually drifting off to sleep.

My guess is that many of you have experienced this as well.  You have gone through seasons of life when the pain in your heart was almost unbearable.  Feeling like you weren’t going to last another day, you cried out to God for help, but it felt like he was a million miles away.

Maybe you’re hurting today because of a broken relationship with a family member or close friend.  A dating relationship or engagement with someone you loved ended abruptly. Or even after years of marriage, your partner has decided to leave.

You could be struggling with severe bouts of anxiety or depression.  Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that you just sit motionless in your room, crying.  At times, it can get so dark that you often think of giving up.

Maybe you recently lost someone you loved.  A parent who was your rock.  Your sibling or best friend was taken way too soon.  Or God forbid, maybe you lost a child.

I’m not sure what pain you’re carrying in this season of your life.  But you would say the brokenness in your heart is so heavy it’s suffocating.  You’ve prayed for weeks, months, or even years for God to show up and take away the pain, but he doesn’t seem to be listening.  He’s nowhere to be found.  And with tears streaming down your face, you have asked on many occasions, “God, where are you?”

I often become distant from people during the painful seasons of my life.  Sharing my struggles with others is not easy for me, because well-meaning people can say the dumbest things! Usually, some typical clichés like, “You know, God does work in mysterious ways.”  I mean, I don’t disagree with the theology of their statement.  But hearing something like this when my heart is hurting just makes me want to punch them in the head.  And that’s highly frowned upon in church.

Or even worse, they feel like this is the perfect time to share some crazy miracle God has done in their own life.  How they prayed for a new car and woke up the next morning to find a brand-new convertible in their driveway. Equipped with dual exhaust and Jesus-fish racing stripes down the side of the car. I find myself wanting to scream, “This is total BS!”  I’m not asking for a new ride.  I just want God to give me some kind of sign that he’s close.  Give me some kind of hope that I’m going to survive this season.

But this has been our experience with God since the beginning of time.  Many of the great heroes of the faith wrestled with this very issue.  At times, they felt like God had completely abandoned them in their time of need. And then other times, it felt as if God was physically carrying them through the pain.

I was reading Psalm 10 in the bible the other morning, and the very first line reads, “Why Lord do you stand far off?  Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”  This was written by King David, whom God described as a man after his own heart.  Yet there were times when even David felt like God was far away, dealing with more pressing matters.

But turn a few chapters to Psalm 40 and King David writes, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”  David was experiencing heartache again, but this time he felt God’s closeness.  He was confident that God was hearing his prayers and coming to his rescue.

On my faith journey, I’m learning to trust that God is close, even when I don’t feel his presence.   Trusting that he hears the prayers from my broken heart, even if I don’t see immediate change.

I honestly don’t know why God can feel so distant in your greatest time of need.  But I want you to know, at the risk of sounding cliché, the Lord is always near the broken-hearted.  He sees your pain and hears your prayers.  So don’t give up today.  Put one foot in front of the other and keep pushing forward.  You will survive this season.